Part 3 - the seed
Mark 4:18 ‘And others are the ones on whom seed was sown among the thorns; these are the ones who have heard the word.’
I journaled, ‘Surround yourself with good community. Those who can point out and pluck the thorns.’
I love community. I love serving. I love meeting people. But surrounding myself with ‘community’ in this season meant saying no to most things dealing with community. The paradox. Saying ‘no’ to community groups, serving opportunities, meetings, introductions… so you could say ‘yes’ to a few people and say ‘yes’ again and ‘yes’ again. There was time. There was rest, there was space, there were deeper friendships.
I had a hard time having normal conversations with people that didn’t involve the non-profit. So much trauma and uncertainty was wrapped around it along with pieces of my own identity and how others identified me. There was more fallout to come from the resignation, there were more accusations. It just didn’t seem to end. But one thing I had now was space. And people I knew I could rely on.
My relationship with an organization had ended but all of the relationships I had gained through that organization were still there. When I resigned from the Board, I called the President of the organization, and despite our differences and disagreements, I thanked him. I thanked him for starting the organization, I thanked him for his friendship, for allowing me to serve with them for 10 years and I let him know I loved him. It wasn’t reciprocated but I knew that all I could do at this point was to love, forgive, and do my best to move forward.
One thing I learned through this process was how much real relationships exist apart from an organization. None of those relationships had to change. Sure, they would look different. But I could look back on my ten years and be thankful, I could love and forgive knowing that despite my major differences with how the organization was being operated, without it, there were so many rich relationships and friendships I would have never had. And so, amongst the pain and hurt, I remained thankful.