why I still pray
Am I contradicting myself so soon?
Or is there simply a fine line of tension between the meaning and objective of prayer?
Sometimes I don’t want to believe in prayer. It seems foolish. It’s let me down too many times.
Sometimes, I can’t live without prayer. Even prayers that go unanswered, sometimes, I still feel better having prayed them.
In times of crisis or joy, my natural reflex is prayer. Now is that from how I was raised? Or is it the Spirit crying out from inside of me? Either way, I can’t help but look Above.
When I needed prayer the most, it let me down. And that still bothers me.
But when I find someone in the same situation who needs prayer the most, my only reflex is to ask God to intervene.
I don’t know if He’ll answer or not, but I’ll know that I’ve asked.
I stopped praying because it didn’t work anymore. But I keep praying because it’s the only thing that does work. A contradiction? That’s the only way I know of how to live out my faith.
If I’m lucky, maybe, I’ll come out on the other side with a limp.